Relationships We Choose (Belonging Part 3)

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Effective relationships are one of the five things Maslow says we humans need. This includes connections we are born into (family and relatives) and those developed through careers, schools, age groups, or “tribes.” Finally, we turn our attention to another type of connection often called love or romantic relationships.

I am referring to the connections that can lead to marriage, mating or significant other. These may begin as an attraction which leading to interest then possibly infatuation, passion, and intimacy. Of course, such developments are often driven by hormones, pheromones, and instinct but if they are to last must also include respect, companionship, and commitment.

Continue reading “Relationships We Choose (Belonging Part 3)”

Everyone Needs to Be “At Home” Somewhere

fullsizeoutput_25The future I begin to describe in The Doorkeeper’s Secrets is based on a culture that meets everyone’s needs. I’ve been suggesting that Maslow’s categorizing of human need into five groups can serve as a foundation for such a future.

In addition to what we need to live as a biological entity, and enough safety to venture into the world, we need to know a bit about who we are. Last time we talked about understanding ourselves by remembering who we are related to: family. This third level has to do with social relationships or as some of us would say – the need to belong somewhere. Continue reading “Everyone Needs to Be “At Home” Somewhere”

How We Choose to Belong Makes a Difference: Belonging (Part 1)

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Desiring to build a more compassionate and cooperative society is a noble goal. Getting there starts with respect. However, respect as an abstract concept may be as empty as cocoon after the butterfly has emerged.

Active respect acknowledges and defends another person’s needs and dignity. We started talking about needs several weeks back. Following Abraham Maslow organization of need into five groupings or levels. Maslow uses a pyramid to display the different levels, with the lowest layers being foundational for those placed on top.

In prior weeks we have lifted up the basic biological needs of food, clothing, shelter, air, water, and rest. We then turned to safety. Recognizing a desire for safety drives the compulsion of many to arm themselves—the results quite often are the opposite. An increased number of guns in our homes, cars, and on our persons makes everyone less safe. However, the motivation is understandable. I’ll have more thoughts about these issues in the weeks ahead.

But for now, we turn to the third of the five levels in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Need—Belonging. To belong involves developing social relationships. I want to think about relationships in three different categories: Given, Tribal, and Chosen. Continue reading “How We Choose to Belong Makes a Difference: Belonging (Part 1)”

Building a Better World Starts with Safety

fullsizeoutput_25Crafting a better world starts with satisfying human needs—not necessarily everything we want—but what we truly need. Abraham Maslow stated that after meeting the basic biological needs of food, clothing, shelter, air, water, and rest, we must turn our attention to safety.

Whether it is the cave dweller avoiding being eaten, children avoiding abusive parents, or women avoiding sexual assault—safety first becomes the issue. So how do we protect ourselves? Continue reading “Building a Better World Starts with Safety”

What are our Basic Needs? (part 2)

fullsizeoutput_25So, what are our human needs and aspirations? If I can separate my true needs, from the multitude of things others ask me to believe are “needs,” then I can make decisions about how to spend my life. Abraham Maslow back in 1949 stated that we have five levels of need. The levels are like a pyramid each one must be at least partially satisfied before we can stack another on top.

The foundation is Basic Needs or Biological Needs. In addition to nutritious food, safe water, and breathable air, we humans have other less obvious physical requirements. Among them is protection from the elements.

Continue reading “What are our Basic Needs? (part 2)”

New Year, New Beginnings, and Life Goals

Every religious tradition, at least the ones I know about, has a day, or season of reflection and renewal. Whether driven by religious principles or not it’s helpful for us to take stock of our behavior periodically. As self-directed individuals, we benefit from reflecting on our accomplishments toward our life goals. We may need to adjust our life goals or even add new ones. The New Year offers an opportunity to make that reflection.

The new year doesn’t actually begin anything. A few days earlier is the longest night of the year. The light starts to return a bit longer each day. New Year’s Day is not the beginning of a season. It’s basically an arbitrary date. It’s when we start counting taxes and insurance deductibles for another year. Nonetheless, it provides an opportunity to reflect and set goals for the next phase of our lives.

One of my goals for 2019 is to reenergize this blog. After a couple of months of unintended hiatus, it seems like a good time to reboot.

We were in the midst of a series reflecting on the nature of needs versus wants. If we are to build a more responsible, compassionate and egalitarian culture, which some of us think is the call for our generation, then we must find a way to address the unmet needs that keep derailing our efforts. To give a framework to the discussion, we turned to Abraham Maslow’s theory of a Hierarchy of Needs.

Over the next several days I will repost the previous articles until we are up to date. Of course, anyone wanting to read the others more quickly can always go to the earlier versions.

I welcome a new year and a chance at new starts. As always, I encourage thoughts, comments or observations on any of our subjects.

Future Parents

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Parenting has been called the most critical job anyone ever undertakes. Yet, for most of us, we have no instruction and few ways to tell if we are competent. Many of the personality scars that lead to anti-social behavior, violence, dishonesty, bullying, prejudice, and poor adaptability can be traced (at least in part) to inadequate parental supervision or support.

So how do we change this picture? In The Doorkeeper’s Secrets, the responsibility of child-raising is identified as a job. Like any other job, people are educated, qualified, supported, and evaluated regularly.

Continue reading “Future Parents”